To Have and to Hold Read online

  The love-fest was back.

  “Did you have a good dinner?” Mom asked when Madison bounced through the front door after being dropped off by Dad and Stephanie.

  Madison kicked off her sandals. “You didn’t tell me that you had talked to her, Mom!” she said.

  “Talked to whom? Stephanie?” Mom said.

  Madison nodded. “Uh-huh. You actually talked to her on the phone, like, person to person?”

  “What’s the big deal?” Mom asked. “She was telling me about her wedding palette.”

  “What’s that?” Madison asked.

  “The colors of her ceremony. She and Dad aren’t sticking to any color combinations. So, you can pick out whatever color dress you like, as long as it’s a pale color. That was all she asked.”

  “Pale?” Madison cried. “But I look yucky in pale colors. I’m pale!”

  “No,” Mom said reassuringly. “You look beautiful in anything you wear, honey bear.”

  “We’ll never find the right dress. I know it,” Madison said.

  Phinnie toddled over with a yawn. He’d been sleeping when Madison had come back from dinner.

  “Roooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrr!” Phin yawned again.

  “Do you think we’ll find the perfect pale dress?” Madison asked the dog.

  Mom squeezed Madison by the shoulders. “Young lady,” she said in a mock-stern voice. “If you don’t quit this negative stuff, I’m going to send you to your room with no supper.”

  Madison laughed. “I already ate, Mom. Some threat.”

  “Well, I stink at threats,” Mom said, laughing a little herself. “Now, will you please just be nice about the wedding once and for all? Please?”

  “Okay, okay,” Madison said. “I will. I promise.”

  Madison realized that she was making a promise that she might not be able to keep. But she made it anyway.

  The clock in the kitchen read nine-twenty. It was later than Madison had thought. After saying good night to Mom, she skipped upstairs with Phin at her heels. She immediately yanked off her dinner outfit and changed into her pajama bottoms and a tank top. It was cooler in the house than it had been all week. Mom had finally turned on the air conditioner.

  Madison booted up her laptop.

  The screen blinked on with a special photograph of a leaping leopard that slowly faded into a splotchy red snake. Earlier in the summer, Egg had lent Madison a disk containing animal images, and she had loaded her computer with his entire collection, from bugs to beasts. Photos of endangered species were her personal favorites.

  Her e-mail was slow to open. When it finally did, the mailbox was empty.

  “Aw, Phin,” Madison groaned. “Nobody loves us.”

  Just then, a message appeared at the corner of Madison’s screen. Aimee and Fiona were online and they wanted to chat. The three BFFs went into a private chat room called SMRFRDS, short for summer friends.

  : MAdDIE!

  : hey guys

  : we just got back from Freeze Palace u should have been there

  : y???

  : drew came w/Elaine ooooooh

  : so? They live next door maybe they just rode their bikes there or something

  : LOL

  : hart was wundering where u were

  : and dan too HA HA

  : what? Hart?

  : love connection LOL

  : what r u talking about?

  : maddie!!! we’re just kidding

  : VVF

  : tee hee

  : y do u always tease me like that?!

  : b/c we miss yooooooo!

  : WAM u just saw meeeeee

  : yeah but you’ve been so busy w/ur dad & the wedding it feels like we havent seen u as much and now ur going away this weekend boo hoo

  : I’ll be back in 3dayz

  : BTW how was STEPMOM LOL

  : NC

  : hey tonite on cable there is this excellent movie let’s watch it together

  : I’m already in my PJs

  : I don’t mean watch it together @ the same house DUH

  watch it together @ the same time

  : oops DOUBLE DUH

  : aim is the movie called KISS UP or something?

  : so cheezy

  : oh GTG chet wants online now

  : brothers r annoying

  : TTYT

  : l8r

  : *poof*

  Madison smiled as she went *poof*, even though she didn’t really want to say good-bye to her friends. She complained, but secretly Madison didn’t always mind being teased.

  If only Aimee and Fiona knew about her real feelings for Hart.

  After leaving the chat area, Madison reopened her files and typed in a new heading.

  No Escape

  According to my sources (um, that would be Dad and Stephanie) this is no big wedding. Yeah right. No one has fifteen people in a bridal party and asks some 12-year-old (um, that would be me) to stand up for them when they have just about a million older friends and family who could do the same thing. Do they?

  I’m so nervous about traveling all the way to Texas to spend three days with a bunch of people I’ve never met before. And the worst part is now Mom says I can’t bring Phin. I didn’t think I would be able to, because we’re staying in a hotel and everything, but I hoped.

  Sometime during dinner tonight, after Stephanie gave me the leather book of poems (that I still have not really read and don’t know when I will), I started thinking about all the stuff I still need to do before we got to Texas. And not just buying a dress. I have to get shoes, too! Do I get strappy sandals or flats or what?

  I haven’t even started to think about the collage I’m making for a wedding gift. It has to be stellar, not just some ordinary words pasted down on a piece of paper. And I should probably start working on my poem for it first, but I have no clue what to write about. ARRGGGH!

  I do know one thing. Unlike Stephanie, I won’t get all mushy and weepy and say a bunch of dorky serious stuff about love. And Dad just lets her be that way! I thought it was nice at first but it is really very embarrassing.

  Rude Awakening: On the keyboard of life, I think I need to keep one finger on the escape key.

  This is going to be a looooooong week.

  Poem for Dad and Stephanie

  Your wedding is a special great wonderful special (ACK!!) day

  And you will be feeling good in every way

  The sun is shining bright on your heads FACES

  And there is no one who can take your places

  (No one?)

  How am I supposed to deal when I don’t know what I feel?

  Thank you for making me a part of the day (change this word)

  OH I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!!!!!!

  Chapter 5

  MOM COULDN’T FIND A parking space anywhere at the Far Hill Shoppes. Part of the lot and garage were under construction.

  “I can’t believe the mall is this crowded! It’s Monday!” Mom groaned.

  Madison sulked in the front seat, too. She wasn’t in the mood to buy a dumb wedding dress, even if she was a junior maid of honor.

  They finally found a place to pull in, but it meant walking half a mile back to the stores they needed to visit. The sky was slate gray, threatening rain and maybe thunder. Madison dragged her grumpy self into the air-conditioned mall behind Mom. They stopped at the Coffee Counter, where Mom bought an iced latte.

  Madison scanned the enormous mall crowd to see if anyone she knew was there. Usually, a visit to the downtown shops meant bumping into half her class from FHJH, but not today. Madison guessed a lot of kids were hanging by the pool or traveling somewhere for summer vacation by then.

  “There’s the
dress shop my friend told me about!” Mom suddenly cried. She led Madison over to a storefront decorated with lace, flowers, and little hearts. The sign out front read Dress Up.

  “I don’t know,” Madison groaned, when she saw the frilly dresses and baby tees in the window. “This isn’t really my style, Mom.”

  Mom put her hand on Madison’s shoulder. “Let’s go have a look before we jump to any conclusions.”

  Madison agreed to look inside, and they entered the store. She felt as though she’d been shoved headfirst into a bucket of potpourri. The whole place smelled like rose petals and cloves.

  “Let’s check out the clearance racks first,” Mom said. She was always on the prowl for a good bargain.

  The first dress Mom picked up was paler-than-pale blue with ruffles on top. It came down to the knee on Madison.

  “This is like an old-lady dress, Mom,” Madison said, putting the dress back on the rack. “I can’t wear that. And it would be too hot, anyway. You’re the one who said it’s a thousand degrees in Texas.”

  Mom held out a second option in another shade of light blue. Madison frowned at the neckline. It had too many buttons.

  “I’ll sweat to death in this, Mom,” she said.

  “Well, how about this one?” Mom held out a yellow-and-white sundress.

  “That’s okay,” Madison said with a shrug. “I could live with that.” And so the yellow dress started an official try-on pile. Mom grabbed a couple of other dresses in Madison’s size from other areas of the store, and they headed for the dressing room.

  Madison squirmed in and out of sundresses, long dresses, tops and skirts and other wedding outfits for the better part of twenty minutes. Nothing fit quite right. If it wasn’t too big, it was too snug or it was the wrong color or it was not “cool” enough for Madison’s taste.

  Just when she’d gotten almost completely discouraged, however, Mom handed Madison one more thing to try on.

  Madison’s eyes bugged out when she saw the simple, long dress her mom held out to her.

  “Wow,” she said to Mom. “I love this.”

  Mom grinned. “I knew you would. It was on that rack all the way across the store. I don’t know how I missed it when we came in. It even has little sparkles sewn in and a ruffle on the bottom….”

  The dress was pale orange, almost a tie-dye design. Madison had never expected to find a formal dress that looked like that!

  And it fit perfectly.

  “I guess that look on your face means we’ll get it,” Mom said. “You’re sure you like it? For a wedding? It is a little extreme….”

  “Mom! It’s the best dress ever!” Madison said. “Stephanie will like it, too, I know it. She’ll say it’s so ‘me.’ We have to get it.”

  As they left the store and walked toward Central Shoes, a discount shoe store at the other side of the mall, Madison kept talking about just how “amazing” the orange dress was. When Mom stopped to check out a window display, Madison pulled the dress out to look at it again. While she was standing there, someone tapped her on the shoulder.

  “You’re Madison, right?” the girl asked tentatively. “Drew’s friend?”

  Madison turned and found herself face to face with Elaine Minami, Drew’s neighbor from the pool party. Elaine’s hair was pulled back with sparkly barrettes, and she wore faded jeans shorts and a tank top with little bees on it that read Bee Nice on the back.

  “Oh … hi. Elaine, right?” Madison replied.

  “I knew it was you!” Elaine chirped in her squeakiest voice ever. “What’s up?”

  “Um … shopping. I have this wedding….” Madison mumbled.

  “Really? Cool!” Elaine said. Madison considered herself to be a positive person, but Elaine put her to shame.

  “Actually, my dad is getting married again,” Madison admitted. “And I’m sort of in the wedding.”

  “Wow! That is cool!” Elaine said. “When is the wedding?”

  “This weekend,” Madison replied.

  “No way! That is so soon!” Elaine said. She pointed to Madison’s shopping bag. “Is that your dress?”

  Madison opened the bag to show her the orange sherbet-colored dress, neatly wrapped in tissue paper from the store.

  “Wow, that’s different!” Elaine gushed. “I could never wear a dress like that. And it even sparkles. Cool.”

  “I like it,” Madison said.

  “What are you doing at the wedding?” Elaine asked. “Flower girl?”

  “Junior maid of honor,” Madison said.

  “Really?” Elaine cried. “What a coincidence. I was a junior maid of honor, too. Just last fall, my aunt asked me to be one at her wedding. She made a big deal about the fact that it was way more important than just being a flower girl.”

  Madison was happy to hear that the title of junior maid of honor was a real thing and not just something Stephanie had invented to be nice. A surge of excitement sent tingles all the way down to her toes. For the first time all week, the wedding actually seemed … promising. Maybe her role in the ceremony was important?

  “I’m also doing a reading,” Madison added. “A poem.”

  Elaine’s jaw dropped. “Get out! A reading! I didn’t get to do anything as special as that. I just stood around holding flowers.”

  Madison smiled, feeling a strange sense of pride in her future wedding responsibilities.

  “Well, my dad and his fiancée asked me to read this love sonnet by Shakespeare,” Madison explained.

  “That is soooo romantic!” Elaine said. “I hope that someone reads something that romantic at my wedding.”

  “Your wedding?” Madison giggled. “You mean after junior high, right?”

  “Yeah, of course!” Elaine giggled back. “I’m such a sucker for romantic stuff.”

  Madison’s mom reappeared from the bookstore carrying a package.

  “Hiya! Are you Madison’s mom?” Elaine asked.

  Mom smiled. “That’s me. Are you a friend from school?”

  Elaine shook her head. “No, I don’t go to Far Hills. Madison and I met at Drew Maxwell’s party yesterday.”

  “Yeah, Mom,” Madison continued. “Drew and Elaine are neighbors in Far Hills Heights.”

  “I see. Do you want to join us for lunch, Elaine?” Mom asked.

  “That would be great—but I can’t,” Elaine replied. “I’m actually on my way to meet Drew at the library in about fifteen minutes.”

  Madison knew that sometimes kids went to the library not to check books out, but to check each other out. She knew some kids who even kissed among the stacks. Was that what Elaine and Drew would be doing?

  “Thanks for the invitation, though,” Elaine said, hoisting her bag up over her shoulder. “See you soon, I hope!”

  “See you!” Madison called out after Elaine.

  Her insides squirmed as she watched Elaine weave through the crowd and onto an escalator.

  Elaine and Drew sitting in a tree …

  “She’s a friendly girl,” Mom commented.

  “I think she and Drew are a couple,” Madison said.

  “Drew is dating?” Mom gasped. “Wait. Didn’t you tell me that he had a crush on you at some point?”

  “I guess his crush is over,” Madison said dejectedly.

  Mom gave Madison a hug and kissed the top of her head. “Sometimes I can’t keep track of you kids,” Mom said.

  “How can people change their minds and feelings so easily?” Madison asked aloud.

  “Do you mean Drew?” Mom asked as they continued walking.

  “Maybe,” Madison admitted. “But everyone else, too. How do you know if something is for real—that it will last?”

  Mom shrugged. “There are no guarantees, ever.”

  “Mom, do you think Dad and Stephanie will last?” Madison asked.

  Mom took her time answering the question. “That’s hard to say,” Mom admitted. “Nothing is ever a sure thing. But I do think that Stephanie and your father will be
a nice match. He seems happy. So does she. That’s all it takes.”

  “I wish you and Dad had lasted,” Madison said, her true feelings slipping out even though she’d tried very hard to hold them in.

  Mom kissed Madison once again. “Oh, honey bear,” Mom said. “It’s been a tough year.”

  Madison smiled. “Yeah,” she said softly, giving Mom a small hug back. “I guess we should go find the wedding shoes now.”

  Working their way from one end of the mall to the other, Madison and her mom strolled past the Roundabout, the bloblike sculpture in the center of the mall. Madison lingered in front of the tech outlet store for just a second, and then they stopped off at the Ice Creamery. It was way too hard to resist the double chocolate chunk fudge ripple with marshmallows, so they shared some before lunch.

  When they finally reached the shoe outlet, Madison was shocked to find the perfect pair right inside the window: a pair of orange Mary Janes—in just her size. Mom was worried that Madison might look a little too much like a Creamsicle, but Madison didn’t care.

  “It’s my favorite color, Mom!” Madison cried. “And they match perfectly. I have to get them!”

  After shoe shopping, Madison and Mom made their way back to the garage. Madison stopped short in front of a new store she spotted along the way. In the window was a huge display of stamps, paper, and various scrapbook materials. While Mom waited on a bench and made a call on her cell phone, Madison ducked inside to purchase a flower stamp, green foil for “leaves,” and some ribbon for her wedding collage. The woman in the store even gave her some pointers on mixing different items together. Although the poem part wasn’t coming along very well, Madison was getting super excited about all the other parts of her project. She bought some glitter glue, too.

  When they arrived back home, Phinnie greeted Mom and Madison with a loud “Harufffffff!” and scratched at the door furiously until they came inside.

  “Phinnie!” Madison said, dumping her bags on the couch and bending down to give him a squeeze.

  “Let me remove the tags and other things from the dress,” Mom suggested. “You really have to start thinking about what else you’re going to pack, you know.”

  Madison nodded. “I know, I know.” She was avoiding the inevitable.